So here it is guys…the final show report….for now!
Freedom Festival Hull…the finale for our Full Stop bus stop! Of course it started off as it should, with laughs and token weirdos! Before we got off the train to our beautiful pre fab hotel complete with panoramic view of Pound world and Mecca Bingo, we had already met with a pervy drunk, our Shirley (born in the land of Worksop) and her boyfriend, who’s pert bottom and dating tinder history we’d discovered before we’d even even seen him in the flesh! Luckily Steph and I were fully protected by an absent Max and an equally pervy Rob…at that moment we needed Gemma (or at least Neil’s height) to batter away the freaks. Anna would have been equally as good but she was battling with a smiler on her train! Jake of course was on route with the bin and Luke was busy flexing his muscles in the land of wonder!
Luckily….we made it to Hull alive, and Gemma was reassured that her detox was the way forward when we had to make a diversion around a rather large lady in a rather small crop top…no filter Fairlie was already less than impressed…but at least it was good preparation for our hotel that can only be described with the following words; old people/piss/tcp/death/smoke from the 70s/dead bodies/please don’t let me get stuck in the broken lift as I might die! Breakfast would have been better served with a bottle of white lightening to help rehydrate from the dryness and wash down the bacon (capacity-zero); and the sheer charm of the red plastic chairs added the cherry on the cake to this cheery place know as the Gilson.
We managed to make our home there though; pool playing and a scouser telling stories of his ten grand scams and dodgy techniques to get free games. Our territory was marked with farting; fighting; dart playing; dirty dancing; and of course Drinking! We kept it classy with red wine and lemonade; prosecco drank from mugs (at least it was cold this time) and bargain beers! The beds were comfy once the pee proof plastic sheets were removed…clearly they expect a lot of accidents after a night on the £1 sambukas.
And the shows? Well, we were reminded why we there when the Scouse said, “you get to have a laugh whilst you work? And you all love your job! That’s brilliant!” Yes it is! Brilliantly bonkers! So on with the show report…
Turns out Hull festival was about as organised as…well I’ll let Steph Conell fill in the blank for that one. It said it all when our producer had to show the liaison lady where the rehearsal rooms were and our festival passes seemed to pass up by! Anyway we warmed up to some flirty disco in the cabaret room; picked up a few pubs; caused a cake accident; reconnected with the choreography, then headed out to our rather wobbly bus stop! There were a few near wobblies about how to fix it but we busted out some moves as trolly wheels got fixed and the bus stop got beaten around.
Anna (straight nose) aced it back for true double whammy fanny clamping! She kept the spirt of Gemma in the piece by keeping it steamy during lovers and using the line, “not on my watch!” (Much to my amusement!) As well as rain, we had wonky hassmats; wasps in the sloppy apple sauce; classic drunkan man dancing; rugby tackling kids; kids trying desperately to see the show and climbing past the van; Derek falling off the wagon; Merf stranded in the middle of the space but rescued in ninjas; 80 year old Jack our on site helper; Max’s tiger pants to compliment Luke’s zebra pants; amazing toilet roll throws and amazing crowds!
Off bus stop antics included; pirate bars; wiggly worm throwing; cheese and wine, chilly, chavs, cheap drinks, chasing the night life that is Hull! There was something for everyone…Bottoms up; divas; dancing in mission, meat platters; Ask but don’t ask about the food; Ray ray; sunny Sunday; shows; shots, shits and silliness!
The only injuries incurred were slight bruising from spanking and bum poking (nothing dirty) mild hangovers, dryness and deep depression from finishing our spectacular show.
However…as our eyes filled with tears at the last twerk of our golden grannies, we were showered with presents and applause and our hearts were filled with magic memories of the journey we’ve made; creating, crying, kissing, camping, chinky chinkying, shimmying, sweating, turtling, helloing, laughing, larking about, flexing, flirting, fanny clamping, farting, pube picking and partying! And after all that the dam bus never did arrive… so…there’s only one thing for it…get back on the bus stop for the 2016 tour!
Finale silly show report for Full Stop #weareallfrikkinawesomeandthishastohappenagain!